President Jacques Chirac announced today that France
would be deploying
two
elite units of French troops to Iraq in the event of war.
Five hundred
crack
troops from the 2nd Groupement d'Instruction en Abandonment are mobilizing
to assist the Iraqi Army in the finer points of military
surrender.
"The
immediate capitulation of an armed force is a delicate and
intricate
tactic
in which we French have much experience." said Defense
Ministry
spokesperson
General de Armee Francois-Phillippe Hommes de Petit-Pommes.
"There is a certain protocol in laying down your
arms or fleeing the
battlefield. To wave the white flag while remaining arrogant,
pompous and
insufferable requires experience and training. The French
Army believes it
is second to none in the fine art of surrendering quickly.
The record of our armed forces in that area speaks for itself.
The Iraqi
performance in giving up without a fight during the last
Gulf War was
commendable but slip-shod. We hope to improve their level
of surrender
execution for the next war."
General Hommes de Petit-Pommes further announced that 1000
advisors from
the Regiment de Collaborateurs Francais will also be dispatched
to Iraq to
assist the Iraqi people in collaborating effectively with
any occupation
force.
"It is more important to protect their art treasures
than to defend
their honor," the General pointed out.
The General also expressed the hope that Baghdad has some
tree-lined
boulevards. "It was our experience that the Germans
liked to march in the
shade, and we feel the Americans and the British might like
that same
measure of comfort in Iraq-especially as warm weather settles
in this
spring."
